grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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