Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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