you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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