We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
