Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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