I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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