i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
