It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
