Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
