I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
