Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
