i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
