Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
