the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
