I bet he comes in French.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk is not a location!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
