I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Found the puke drawer
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze