i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?