I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo