I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
