I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
