I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize