people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
