I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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