Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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