when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The air was thick with penises
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
