I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
