it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
