i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
