sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
