I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
