I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
