she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
