remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize