Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
