i may or may not be watching the land before time
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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