four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
