So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
