Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
