its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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