Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
