My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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