I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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