but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
