If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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