So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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