Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
