I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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