My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
