Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
