matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
