sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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