He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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