Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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