I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
