i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We left the knife in your bed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
