My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He better not be in your backpack
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
