My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
