Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My bed smells like the plague
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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