too bad you live with your parents still
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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