My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
