I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hippo gnu deer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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