once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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