my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
