you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
