I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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