For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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