It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
