You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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