Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize