Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
