great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Someone shit on the floor
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
