Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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