So drunk its hurt
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
