morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
