Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
