i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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