i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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