Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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