I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
