i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
NoShamevember. You game?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
