Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
