I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
