My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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