She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
