VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
