she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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