just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
