She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
soo... how was my night?
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