adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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