I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
