I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I believe in your delicious
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
