ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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